None of us gets enough time on this planet.

This is a fact we must recognize, but never dwell on for too long. If we do, it means we’re not out making the most of the short time we do have.

I will quote the modern philosopher here, one Mr. Dylan: “He not busy being born is busy dying.”

But, with such a big world out there to explore, so many people to meet and wonders to behold, it can be hard to know where to start. Fear not, we have a few suggestions, based on over 40 years of hearing “ooohs” and “ahhhhs” from all the friends we’ve taken to various destinations.

Whip out your “bucket list,” and consider adding all of these (at the top):

The Grand Canyon — This is more than just a national park. Since John Wesley Powell and company made that first trip through the Big Ditch, this marvel of nature has captivated the imagination of millions, all around the world. It has a powerful effect on people that my words will never convey. The rock, the river, the solitude, the splendor — very few places will leave you wondering about creation and your own sense of purpose like this place.

Machu Picchu — Six centuries ago, the Inca ruled an empire from 8,000 feet above sea level, in a city built along perilous cliffs. This UNESCO World Heritage Site will take you back in time, not just to Peru. You’ll marvel at how such a magnificent citadel could go “forgotten” by the world until the turn of the 20th century. And, need we add about experiencing the Andean culture, and rafting and zip lining in the Amazon?

Middle Fork of the Salmon River — The Frank Church Wilderness is the largest such protected area in the continental U.S. Through this pristine Idaho wilderness, there runs 100 miles of river, through granite canyons, alpine forest and grasslands. In those miles, you’ll find 100 sets of rapids, as well as Native American history, pioneer homesteads and a menagerie of wildlife. This is a bucket list item many people don’t even know they’re missing. Don’t be one of them.

Galápagos Islands — When you’re older and telling the stories to the great-grandkids, make sure you’ve got one in the arsenal about the blue-footed boobies, the lava lizards, and your face-to-face encounter with a penguin. Be sure you can explain how you walked in Darwin’s footsteps observing the amazing creatures found nowhere else on earth, and how you donned a mask and snorkel and went where Darwin never could. Don’t forget to tell them how you loved the sea kayaking, and the sea lions you could almost pet from the bow of the sailboat. “Ah, Ecuador,” you could tell them with a satisfied sigh.

Tatshenshini River — Here is another of the few places in the world that time forgot. Let us show you a slice of 27 million acres of Alaskan-Canadian wilderness. We’ll crawl across glacial moraines and sit beneath frozen waterfalls. We’ll raft this milky glacial river pondering the towering mountain ranges on either side. Arriving in Alsek Bay, we’ll try not to be intimidated by icebergs as big as houses, just like we did with the moose and grizzly bears we saw.

Rio Futaleufu — If your bucket list is rife with river trips, this one better be on it. “The Fu” is known in the whitewater world as one of the premier runs. This is heart-pounding class IV and V rafting in unmatched Patagonian terrain. Add to the boating some hiking, climbing, rappelling and horseback riding, and you’re talking about the adventure of a lifetime. You’ll be able to check both Argentina and Chile off your life’s travel list with this one, too.

Zambezi River — Things you’ll say after: “I thought it was already Class V rafting, but then we saw the hippos … I never knew an impala wasn’t a car until my safari in Botswana … From the helicopter, looking at the Batoka Gorge, it was as though the earth had cracked open and the water of Africa was rushing in to fill it … I learned it was one of the ‘7 Wonders of the World’ when we launched our rafts in the mist at the foot of Victoria Falls …” Make sure your bucket list includes rafting on at least 6 continents, and add the Zambezi.

Have you done any of these trips? Chime in in the comments to let people know I’m not exaggerating.

Which trip is most intriguing to you, if you’ve never been on any of them? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.

Scott Saulsbury, head brewer for Southern Oregon Brewing Company, grew up rafting portions of the Rogue River, but never had the chance to take a multi-day trip until last year with O.A.R.S.  Even better, he got to bring along 10 kegs of beer and a chef to help make the experience unforgettable.

Cari Morgan talks beer, steak and “football” on the river with Scott below.

Tell me about Southern Oregon Brewing Company.  What do you guys specialize in?

We’re a 20-barrel, 4-vessel brew house in Medford, OR. It’s more of a production brewery, but we do have a tasting room that is attached to it. Primarily our three main flavors are a Porter, an IPA and a Czech Pilsner.  We have rotating seasonals, occasionally special beers, and things like that.

What got you interested in making beer?

It was April of 1993 when I got my first brewing job.  I needed to find some employment and I sort of hit the wave—it was that first wave of the craft brew scene in the early 90’s and I ended up over at Deschutes Brewery in Bend, OR.  Then, in 2008 I hooked up with Tom Hammond and another friend of mine, Anders Johansen, who did the set up for Southern Oregon Brewing, and I just stuck around.  

Now the craft brew scene is making it to the great outdoors.  When you got invited to be the brewer on an O.A.R.S. Craft Beer Tasting trip, what went through your head?

Kind of funny, right before the offer came through, my wife and I had seen an article in Sunset Magazine about O.A.R.S. trips down the Rogue.  We were kind of joking around about how nice it would be to do something like that.  It was serendipitous to say the least.  

What’s the Rogue like?

I grew up in Grants Pass, OR, but I had never been down the Wild & Scenic Rogue, so it was a treat. It’s really a fun one.  I know there are bigger whitewater rivers out there, but it’s pretty fantastically beautiful.

What was your craft beer river trip like?

I did all draft, so I brought a bunch of kegs and a jockey box, which is sort of a cooler converted into a draft device.  I had all sorts of concerns about keeping it cold and whether it was going to work right. But it was fantastic, and worked really smooth.  And we had a great bunch of people.  About half of the crew was from Australia, and they came specifically for the beer, so they were hilarious.  

How much beer did you bring?

We brought ten, 5-gallon kegs.  Fifty gallons of beer for three nights and it was consumed down to the last pint on the last night by the Australians.  They weren’t messing around.  There’s eight pints in a gallon, so that’s 400 pints of beer!

Why does beer taste so good after a day on the river?

As a brewer a beer tastes good almost all the time.  But on the river, you’re not drinking during the day, and you’re out in the sun.  We stopped around 4:30 p.m. every day, whipped out the beer and everyone was pretty eager to have that first one.  

And then you throw in good food too.  What can people anticipate in terms of food on an O.A.R.S. Craft Beer Tasting Adventure?

The O.A.R.S. food is amazing to begin with and then you add on a chef doing a 5-course meal every night. You come away having gained about 15 pounds. Last year, Dave Georgeson from Larks Restaurant did a porter marinade with some steaks that was just fantastic. But he also brought along a ton of appetizers like crab cakes that were great with the lighter beer.  I can’t even remember the other appetizers we ate so much food.  

This fellow Neil Clooney, who’s going to be coming this year, is from a place called Smithfields in Ashland, OR. He specializes in meats.  We’ll probably end up pairing a lighter cleaner beer with appetizers and then sort of move down the ladder to the hoppier, sweeter, thicker beers with the main courses and desserts.  But he’ll also want to cook with the beer, so he’ll probably make some marinades.

Since the Rogue was your first trip with O.A.R.S., what were you most surprised about?

There was definitely a level of competence that put everyone at ease. That was a really nice bonus to get to just sit back and sort of enjoy the ride and get the whole excitement of rafting without the fear of drowning part, or anything like that. I was pretty amazed.  It was really well run.  If there were any special needs the guides were really cool about it.  It was a great trip. Everyone seemed to have a really good time.  There were several couples, a family and then the wacky guys from Australia.  Everyone had a blast.
 

Best moment from your trip?

We spent an entire morning learning the Australian rules for football and that was pretty fun.  There was a lot of splash fights, and jumping off of rocks.  Nothing too crazy.  It was just super relaxing and nice to unplug.

If folks want to go, which O.A.R.S. Craft Beer Tasting trips will you be on this summer?

The Rogue – June 3-6 and June 24-27.

Not enough people say, “I’m a river person.”

People often categorize themselves by the types of vacations they take — which does reveal a lot about their psyche, I think, but not nearly enough of them say, “We do rivers.”

You hear, “I’m a beach girl.” Or you hear, “We loooooove cruises.” Maybe he says, “Gimme the right duck blind, and I’m in heaven for a week!”

Well, they’re all missing out. Honestly. Let’s run through all the possible vacations you might take and examine why a river trip should forever tarnish their image in your mind’s eye:

1. The Beach — We all have this fantasy of an isolated, white-sand beach with crystal blue waters at just the perfect temperature, and nary a soul around to distract us. In truth, we all end up paying too much for the hotel, fighting for enough space to lay down our towel, fighting with our beach umbrella, listening to the kids nearby whine about being hungry, repeatedly getting run over by the bodybuilders chasing volleyballs and frisbees, and realizing the $20 sunscreen we bought because we forgot our own is only SPF 3 not 30, so now we’re delusional from sun poisoning. These things just don’t happen on a river trip.

2. Any Marvel of Engineering — If you’re like me, you’ve got that person in the family that wants to go see the Eiffel Tower or the Navy’s largest aircraft carrier or, the worst, some factory. They try to lure you in with some factoid they read on the website, like, “Can you believe there are over a million hex-head rivets in it?” What’s really dangerous is when this person finds a point of interest based on the destination, as opposed to the other way around. That’s how you end up standing in front of an oil pipeline in Alaska, learning what a “pig” is.

3. Tours Based On Pop Culture — You can ride a bus around New York and see every place they visited on “Seinfeld.” You can get a map of the stars and go stare through the gates of mansions in Beverly Hills and say you saw where all your favorite celebrities (supposedly) live. You can even take a bus tour based on the “Real Housewives of New Jersey.” Actually, if we have to convince you a river trip is better than this, well, never mind.

4. Too Many Plane Connections — If your travel agent, or whoever makes your vacation arrangements, starts suggesting your pre-trip reading includes websites such as www.sleepinginairports.net, you should be worried. Although you might have to take a plane to meet up with your river trip, after that you’ll quickly forget the stale fluorescent lighting, the stale overpriced food, the stale air and the stale robot voices on the intercom system of the airport.

5. The Wrong Kind Of Adventure — The U.S. State Department issues those warnings for a reason, so be wary of that intrepid backpacker boyfriend of yours who starts talking about the wonders of the street markets in Kabul and his pickpocket-proof travel vest. If you get passed this link to start comparing hotels, call us and we’ll try to persuade you why an experienced international outfitter might be a good idea.

6. Theme Parks — We’ve previously explained 5 reasons a rafting trip beats the pants off an amusement park vacation. It can’t hurt to give you more. Like, for instance, that most of them are so expensive that people will consider bargain options that will prove “you get what you pay for.” So, if your vacation partner starts extolling the virtues of “Fantazy Land,” be very, very afraid. And then call our adventure consultants to parry with a better vacation idea.

7. A Cruise — A boat’s a boat, you might say. Hardly. Remember that crowded beach? Remember the insanity of the theme park? Well, now imagine yourself trying to relax with all of that thrown together on a boat, trapped out at sea. And, we promise, there are no Vegas-exiled lounge acts masquerading as evening entertainment on our raft trips.

8. Speaking Of Vegas — You never hear people coming back from Vegas saying, “You know I just feel so relaxed. Really, it was just great to get away and recharge.” Mostly, they’re quiet because they’re exhausted, or broke, or they’re observing the code (“What happens in Vegas …”). If you really want to reinvigorate, if you really want some soul food, if you’re OK with your bright, flashing lights being the purple wisps of the Milky Way and moonlight on rippling waves, there’s a canyon not far from Sin City, and it’s got a river at the bottom of it. (Which we happen to run trips on, just to clarify.)

9. The Family Road Trip — Yes, you probably have incredible memories of visiting the world’s largest ball of twine on your family’s famous summer road trip. But, you’re forgetting that little Billy also got the crayon stuck up his nose, sister Jenny discovered her allergy to shellfish, and the two of them spent four-fifths of the trip screaming about who was bothering whom in the back of the station wagon. Fact: Children have never thought to draw an imaginary territorial dividing line in the back seat of a raft. They’re having too much fun to even think of it. So, don’t waste gas, get on the river.

If you share your ideas for the worst vacation ever or other reasons that a rafting trip is better than them all in the comments, you’ll be entered in my personal imaginary giveaway for a package trip to Fantazy Land, accompanied by the 2012 South Korea National Elvis Impersonator Competition champion.

Take it from us: chances are, you’ll love it.

Here’s a fact:

If you do a lot of whitewater river trips, you’ll hear stuff that, well, doesn’t make a lot of sense once you leave the river.

Here’s a short list of a few choice pieces of verbage:

1. “You’re going to have to pull your pants up before you get back in the boat!”

Not surprisingly, river currents that seem gentle can be, ah, strong.

It’s not an everyday thing, but people have been known to lose their shorts to the whims of the river. Luckily, there’s a simple fix.

Tie those suckers.

2. “Now it’s time to eat pudding with your face!”

Family trips rock.

One reason is because if the kids get messy, all you have to do is throw ‘em in the river for a rinse.

Simple. Clean. Effective (and fun).

“The river was overflowing because it was filled with unicorn tears.”

3. “When ancient map-makers wrote ‘The End Of The World’ on their maps, they were imagining this next rapid.”

Guides have been known to, um, exaggerate.

River stories are the imagination’s most fertile ground for tall tales. A big wave can easily turn into “a tsunami that blocked out the sun!” just moments after running it.

Interesting fact: River stories get bigger and better details the farther away from the river you get.

4. “Actually, when we ran this at high water …”

A continuation of the tall tales mentioned above, but high water stories are a special breed.

After hearing a particularly good high water story, you’ll be convinced that everyone involved had just stepped out of Clash Of The Titans, and the river was overflowing because it was filled with unicorn tears.

5.  “Today is going to be one of the greatest days of your life.”

Ok, you won’t only hear that one on a river trip.

But, on the river, you will hear it surprisingly often.

Got a personal favorite not on the list? Let us know in the comments.

Bald Eagle

Once driven to near extinction due to DDT poisoning, the bald eagle has become a common sight on our river trips. Watch for the distinctive white head and tail feathers as it roosts above the river in old-growth trees.

Great Blue Heron

This large blue-grey wading bird is the largest of the herons. It can be seen standing perfectly still in shallow water hunting its preferred meal: small fish, or flying gracefully on its broad wings to its tree-top nest.

Canyon Wren

Found throughout the dry mountain country and canyons of western North America, the Canyon Wren lives near rivers where it can feed on insects and spiders. It has a distinctive song made up of loud, musical whistles.

Belted Kingfisher

The Belted Kingfisher is easily identifiable by its ruffled blue crest feathers and long beak. Look for the kingfisher sitting atop ‘watchposts’ hunting for fish, insects and amphibians. The birds nest in tunnels along the river bank.

Osprey

Smaller than the bald eagle, the osprey (or fish eagle) is an accomplished fisher and will dive from great heights to catch its prey. Listen for its distinctive, loud, repetitive chirp as it guards its tree-top nest.

Common Merganser

A large diving duck, the Common Merganser is often found along rivers in Western North America. Adept swimmers, Common Mergansers are one of the few birds to swim
through rapids.

My mother is not at all what you’d call the “outdoorsy type.” Yet, at 65 years old, she spent 8 days rafting the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon.

Yes, she even did the icky-dirty “C” word.

(That’s “camping.”)

The secret is — and don’t go shouting this to the true outdoorsy types, lest they get their camo pants all in a bunch — there are plenty of ways to make “roughing it” not so rough at all.

In fact, you’ll find true pros in the adventure travel business distinguish themselves through their innovative ways to bring luxury with you into the wilderness.

Sleeping

“Sleeping is usually the biggest issue for most people,” says James Rodger, California regional manager for O.A.R.S. “People hear they’ll be sleeping on the river, and they immediately think ‘dirty old sleeping bag.’”

James is happy to disappoint those folks with freshly laundered sleeping bags, cozy zip-in liners, pillows with fresh, crisp pillow cases and, the icing on the bedtime cake, a 3-inch foam-and-air-filled sleeping pad.

What’s more, James says, you’d be surprised at the psychological difference it makes putting only 2 people in a 3- or 4-person tent.

"In fact, you’ll find true pros in the adventure travel business distinguish themselves through their innovative ways to bring luxury with you into the wilderness."

Staying Clean

Kate Wollney is trying to convince her sister-in-law to join her on a river trip. Kate is O.A.R.S.’s Rogue River manager, leading adventures in Oregon. She’s explaining the biggest misconception she finds: You’re going to get dirty, and won’t be able to get clean.

Even though the nightly riverside camps are on sand, or pea gravel, or bedrock, the sites are regularly scoured clean by the river’s rising and falling waters, she says.

“So even though we’re ‘on the ground,’ it’s not really dirty at all,” Kate says. “On the Rogue, there are even spots where the ground is covered in mint, and when you walk you crush it, and it smells unbelievable.”

The guides also make sure there’s ample opportunity to clean up. They set up portable kitchen and bath sinks at every stop, and handwashing stations are never far away. Kate added there’s even opportunity on many trips for bathing.

“On some of our trips, but not all, you can bathe right in the river,” she says. “And several of the rivers have hot springs, which is a great way to stay refreshed.”

Way Better Than Beans & Weenies

“I’ve got wild salmon, organic chicken, organic chicken maple breakfast sausage, applewood bacon, artichokes,” James lists off. He’s shopping for a Tuolumne trip while talking to me on the phone.

James explains that if people expect dehydrated food or cans of pork and beans, they’re blown away by the quality meals they’re served. James explains they procure as much of the victuals as they can from local sources, and they try to shop organic as a rule. They have partnerships with local wineries and craft breweries, so even the adult beverages are local to the area.

Hot breakfast every day, an energy-filled lunch, dinner with appetizers, drinks and dessert each night — it’s better than some folks eat at home.

“It’s river-gourmet,” James says.

The Unmentionables

So, OK, for some people, there’s no talking about going to the bathroom in the woods that makes it sound any more comfortable. But, hopefully, you can appreciate the lengths the guides go to in addressing this.

Yes, the bathroom comes along from campsite to campsite. It’s set up in a private location a discrete distance from camp, and a handwashing station is always right next to it.

“And it always has an incredible view,” James adds.

Kate explains that the bathroom solutions aren’t just one-size-fits-all, either, and that women’s needs are anticipated and accommodated.

Outdoor Evangelists

For these professional guides, guests’ comfort becomes a matter of pride. Those who think they relish in their own discomfort and or wish it on guests have it all wrong. (Bear Grylls is not a river guide.)

James explains that what they all want are guests who come back again, hopefully with more friends.

“Guides are really passionate about what they do, and they want people to come out with a really positive attitude about their trip,” he says. “So they’re going to go the extra mile to make sure everyone has a positive experience.”

Even my 65-year-old mum.

Got a question on comfort for the O.A.R.S. guides? Hit them up in the comments below.

In the heart of canyon country, you’ll find Moab, a no-frills town that caters to adrenaline junkies and adventure seekers. Only have a day? Here’s the ultimate one-day itinerary:

7am Fuel up with homemade fare and healthy portions from the funky Eklecticafe (352 N Main St.). Then hit the trails.

8am Moab is known as the mountain biking Mecca. There are trails for all skill levels, but seasoned riders will want to ride the famous Slickrock Trail, a challenging 10.6-mile loop (located off of Sand Flats Road). Rent a bike or sign up for a guided bike tour through Dreamride.

12pm After breaking a sweat, grab some lunch . Not much has changed since this classic diner’s opening in 1954, but Milt’s Stop & Eat (356 Millcreek Dr.) is where to go for the best burger in town. What to order if your stomach can handle it: The Chili Cheeseburger and a banana malt.

2pm Walk off your lunch at Arches National Park Depending upon how much energy you have left, consider taking an O.A.R.S. 4×4 backcountry tour of Arches for just $99/person. You will have the option of a couple of hikes to the iconic Delicate Arch and your guide will take you to the perfect spot to catch the sunset. Set among spectacular rock formations, the dramatic sky show will be a wonderful ending to an action-packed day.

8pm Go where the guides go: If you’re looking for a light dinner or something other than cheeseburgers and milkshakes try the White Rim Roll at Sabaku Sushi (90 E Center St.). This hip spot will blow you away with its fresh fish creations in the middle of the desert.

10pm Still going? Grab a stool at Woody ’s Tavern (221 S Main St.). Live music on Friday and Saturday nights.

With eight rafting trips under his belt last year alone, you could say that Matt Hatcher of Hatcher Winery has uncorked more wine riverside than any other winemaker. For the past six years, he has been a familiar face on O.A.R.S.’ Wine on the River trips where fine wine and gourmet food are as big of a draw as the paddling action.  I sat down with Matt at his winery in Murphys, CA to talk about what makes Wine on the River trips so special.

Are you an outdoorsy person?

I’m probably not as outdoorsy as I’d like to be.  My idea of camping is two or three days without a shower.  My idea of camping is bringing enough really good food along that you ate twice as much as you would have at home.  Usually camping, there’s the best wine.  And I get to do that with O.A.R.S.  There’s always room for the wine and the beer.  I think that’s what outdoors should be.  It should be a good experience.  And my idea of a good experience is being comfortable.

What has been your favorite food and wine experience on the river?

I did a trip on the Middle Fork of the Salmon River last year and the chef did wild meat every night.  It was 4 to 5 nights and every night was something interesting.  Whether it was wild salmon, wild boar, wild elk, or wild deer, they were all done really well.  It was a lot of fun to pair wine with them.  And you know what, it doesn’t matter. The wine is going to taste good and so is the food because you’re out on this amazing river.  You can eat peanut butter and jelly and it’s going to be the best PB&J you ever had.  Chef Bob comes to mind too.  It’s been talked about many times, but on the last night of the Rogue River he does a filet with a Jack Daniels sauce and he flames them up, so I think that’s pretty darn neat.  

Your idea of camping is bringing really good food and wine.  And O.A.R.S. brings a chef along.  Tell me what people might see paired with your wines on the river.

Usually it will start with cheeses and some really nice breads or crackers.  I would pair that with a Sauvignon Blanc, Pinot Grigio or Viognier.  Probably half way through that, there’s something coming off the fire, which might be a skewer with ridiculously large prawns or some kind of really great meat.  And that would usually pair with a Zinfandel or maybe a Merlot.  Something more medium bodied.  When we talk about a main course we get toward our heavier wines.  We make a Rhone blend, a Syrah, a Petite Syrah, Meritage and a Cabernet. All these wines are big food wines.  There’s plenty of everything.  I generally bring enough wine for a bottle per person per night.  And then there’s usually something else extra too.  

Are people surprised by Wine on the River trips?   

People are usually a little apprehensive about whether or not it will be as good as what’s shown in the pictures.  And they wonder where all the wine is.  O.A.R.S. doesn’t want you to know this, but they could bring the kitchen sink along.  It just takes another raft.  

You’ve been doing these trips for 6 years.  What do you think makes Wine on the River trips so special (besides having killer wine each night, of course)?

Those guides love what they do.  They’re having a better experience than you are.  They don’t mind lugging all that stuff off the rafts, lugging it all back in the morning and then going rafting for half the day.

Do you have a favorite river?  

I’ve been all three legs of the Salmon River and they’re incredible.  The Middle Fork of the Salmon is supposed to be one of the most beautiful rivers and it’s incredible.  The Main Salmon—which is probably my favorite—you’re talking 50-100 yard sandy beaches every night, hot springs, bigger rapids.  And the Lower Salmon is similar to the Rogue where there’s some big water but also some more relaxing, lay on the raft kind of rafting.  But I did the Rogue River three times one summer and I didn’t get tired of it.  Each river, like a bottle of wine, has these things that are more enjoyable about them or more technical.  Each one is very special.  That’s the fun of it.  

Matt Hatcher has been making wine in the Sierra Foothills at his namesake winery, Hatcher, since 2002. At his tasting room in historic Murphys, CA you can find a Zinfandel for every mood (he makes four), as well as a slew of other varietals (if it grows well in the region, he makes it).  

Want to do a Wine on the River trip with Matt?  He’ll be on the Tuolumne May 15-17 and the Rogue September 18-22.

Let’s say you’ve finally done it: You booked yourself an awesome adventure vacation, and you’re making all the necessary preparations for a week or two, not only out of the office, but out of the reach of any and all modern communications.

So, if you’re organized and prepared (i.e. not like this guy), you’ll actually remember to create a voicemail greeting for your cell phone letting people know you’re on the trip, and even an automated “out of office” email reply to all your customers and coworkers.

You might be thinking, well, anything I say about the amazing place I’m going and how utterly soul-satisfying a trip I’m on is not going to win me friends. And, sure, that’s a possibility.

But, what’s more dangerous is not preparing people for the renewed vigor, optimism and peace of mind with which you’ll return. That’s why you need these carefully crafted “out of office” replies.

(Fact: The Dalai Lama still uses this same approach whenever he leaves his folks behind for a retreat. Which, according to the parts of the Internet we read, is to go rafting.)

To ready your friends and coworkers, we suggest using the following:
 

• The simple and direct email reply: “I’m on vacation, so I won’t be able to get back to you right away. If you promise not to flood my inbox while I’m gone, I’ll promise not to make you look at all the pictures I took on this amazing trip when I get back.”

• Tell them in your voicemail greeting, “By now, you’ve no doubt heard about the awesome river trip I’m on. However, before you start to speak ill of me on the next conference call, I’d like to point out all the ills that might befall me on this trip: sunburn, sand in everything I own, rattlesnake bite, giardia, water up the nose, sand in my food, blisters in places you didn’t know you could get blisters, swarms of mosquitoes, leaking tent, swarms of mosquitoes bringing sand into my tent …”

• Get your phone right up next to your computer speakers and record these birds and waterfalls on your voicemail greeting. You can narrate over it: “Before you get jealous that I’m off communing with nature, keep in mind that bird’s singing because he stole my lunch.” Depending on the climate of your office, you might describe the bird doing worse than stealing the sandwich.

• Alternate work e-mail auto-reply: “You’ve received this because I’m away on a life-transforming river trip through the Grand Canyon. I might never be back, actually. I should probably give you the number of a co-worker here at the office who can help you in my absence. Instead, I encourage you to call my adventure vacation consultant and follow me. The number is below.”

 
And, if you attached the number for an O.A.R.S. adventure consultant, well, we’d be mighty flattered. Whatever you do with your “out of office” voicemail, don’t be this guy…

"If you promise not to flood my inbox while I’m gone, I’ll promise not to make you look at all the pictures I took on this amazing trip when I get back."

On a summer afternoon, you’ll find Bob Anderson, Chef at the Boulder Ridge Golf Club* in San Jose, CA, sporting a white chef coat and a pair of Chaco river sandals. Chef Bob, who trained at the CIA and spent 20 years at the famed Ahwahnee Hotel in Yosemite, is no stranger to cooking at obscure locations like Yosemite’s High Sierra Camps or Glacier Point in the winter. That’s exactly why he was the perfect person to help O.A.R.S. bring gourmet grub to the river.

Cari Morgan caught up with Chef Bob to find out how he’s able to pull off restaurant quality meals on the river with O.A.R.S.

How did you get involved with O.A.R.S. culinary trips?

I was always the guy in Yosemite that did the crazy catering trips. They’d say, “Hey, we think we want to have a dinner for 50 people at 10,000 feet at one of the High Sierra Camps.” And so I would go, “Ok. How do we get the food there?” And this is the conversation I had with O.A.R.S. So they suggested a couple of events and we did them. Fast forward 7 years, we’ve been doing them that long.

What’s the best part about cooking on the river?

It’s the best kitchen with the best view. It’s a pretty sophisticated set up equipment-wise. From a menu-planning stand point it’s not that hard to execute restaurant quality food.

What would a typical menu look like?

Because there’s a vintner with us, we set up a wine tasting which typically would involve cheeses, nuts, and some kind of high-protein snack. One of the big favorites is a black mission fig that we’ll fill with Point Reyes Blue and then wrap in bacon. I’ve had people tell me that we can just stop right there and they’d be totally fine. As dinner gets started, we’ve had the most
unbelievable heirloom tomatoes with fresh basil pesto. For an entrée, a pan-fried filet mignon with a Jack Daniels reduction. A wild mushroom risotto and a fresh vegetable like stringless snap peas. And for dessert, we’ve made ice cream pretty successfully on the river. To tell people you’re making ice cream the second or third night of a 4-day trip, it’s pretty remarkable.

What’s your favorite thing to prepare on the river?

The filet is fun because of the fireball thing. Everyone wants to know how to flambé something and the perfect place to practice is on a sand bar. We did stop a jet boat once because they saw us flambéing.

Is there a must-have kitchen gadget/tool you bring?

For me it’s sharp knives and real cutting boards. Nothing earth shattering, but I pack tools that I use so it’s comfortable.

What about for making ice cream?

Ice cream balls. Yeah, those are cool. It’s the same principle as the old style ice cream machine where you crank it, but it’s just in a ball. People will play catch with it. Things disintegrate pretty quickly after everyone’s drinking wine.

Tuolumne or Rogue?

They’re completely different. The Tuolumne is just a crazy, big ride. It’s fast. The Rogue is so much more fun because I’ll end up kayaking most of it.

So it sounds like the Rogue River wins?

The Rogue wins.

Please join Chef Bob on a wine tasting adventure in California down the Tuolumne River near Yosemite National Park on May 1st or 15th (he'll also be cooking on the craft beer tasting trip on May 8th). If you can't travel until later in the summer, he'll also be on our renowned Wilderness Gourmet trip on the Wild & Scenic Rogue River in southern Oregon on September 1st.

*Please note that Bob Anderson has left the Boulder Ridge Golf Club and since returned as a chef at the Ahwahnee Hotel after this article was originally published.